Advice for a first time father

[Montey]

So.....

In 3 weeks & 3 days time I am due to become a father for the first time. To all of you who have kids:

When did the sense of panic turn in to a sense of normality?

i.e. How long after your first child was born did you find yourself calm, versus the state of panic felt just prior to and after the birth?

[norbs]

My young bloke had 8 days in neonatal intensive care, so its a bit different for me.

Best advice. Get some sleep now. Breast feeding is tops if she can manage. 2am feeds, just grab the bub and jam it on the nip. Your job done.

It doesn't really matter what advice you get, it is something you can't explain unless you go through it.

Good luck.

Oh, and get the fuck out of there before the placenta appears!

[kwijibo]

Ask Rumble, his missus just popped one out a week ago

[DexterPunk]

from the way its changed my sisters life (her son is now one) id say ring ya mates and tell em you may not see them for a while

[w00dsy]

be patient, very very patient. And sleep when you can. But most of all enjoy every minute of it. It is incredibly tiring, but so worth it. There's nothing we could say that will prepare you for it, just roll with it. It gets easier in some ways over time, and harder in others. But you will now have a sense of worry for the rest of your life, it never goes no matter what age they are. And forget your sex life for a while, your wife is a mum now, her mind is elsewhere. But if you help out a lot and make her life easier she might find the time and energy to help you out

[macca]

just enjoy every moment, the experience changes as they grow but at all ages they are all equally enjoyable, & frustrating at times but in a nice way

[NeilPearson]

http://www.wackyarchives.com/offbeat/ca ... y-101.html

[Shonky]

For me the panic had settled after I got my first proper sleep after the birth, I had about 1 hour of sleep in 3 days with the missus in labour (41 hour labour according to the hospital), I hung around at the hospital for maybe 6 hours after the birth then went home and passed out for 13 or 14 hours. When I woke up, it was at this point I felt calm for about 5 minutes, but then the madness starts again, but it's not so much panic this time, just a rush to get yourself organised and get back to the hospital to see Mum and bubs.

Now it's just the typical parenting worries, but it's not what I would call in a state of panic all the time.

Roll with it Montey and enjoy it, be there for the birth, witnessing the birth is something that sticks with you for life.

[c.j]

41 hour labour...

I am blessed with Jordan. I have never met a infant that is so easy. She smiles at everyone who picks her up and makes minimal noise. She sleeps anywhere we put her if she is ready.
I would say that the time you spend with them in the first week can shape them for life. I spent alot of time with her against my skin under my jumper just asleep, both of us usually, what they call a kangaroo cuddle. It may seem abit nancy like at first but i tell you what that bond we formed straight away was all because of how much time I spent with her.

It gave mum a chance to recover too. And now we are very lucky. I see it when we go out with our friends who have kids, some older, some younger... Jordan is just so much easier to look after. She is over 5 months now and starting to dribble everywhere and chew everything. Teeth are coming... so looking forward to that next step...

As was said above just roll with it. Make sure you, you especially Mont, take time out to just hang with your child. Work can survive without you!

Good luck.

[Cutter]

Cannot believe I'm saying this.... Particularly as this doesnt involve high calibre weapons.

"What Sin Said."

There is a saying, "everyone mourns in their own way."
Its sort of an excuse tho, it allows you to scream, go silent, rant, cry, drink if you lose a loved one.

Being a Dad is sort of the same, but different.
You'll find you own way. Bits will come from how you were rasied, or in fact the exact opposite, and thats OK too.
You'll do things quite deliberatly different, generally the things you hated, and some things you'll do the same, because they mattered to you.

In 3 weeks and 4 days time, everything changes, generally for the better, its how we're designed.

You'll get a few things wrong, and they'll haunt you, but you'll get a whole lot more right, and you'll forget them in the long run.

OK enough philosophy.Practical stuff.

About a week after, when you're home your partner will spend a day or two crying their eyes out. Go with it. Its hormones.
Babies cry, generally a lot and when you least need it. Suck it up. You'll be judged on how you peformed when thing got hard, not when it was easy.
Never ask "what can I do", look around and do it first, then ask, when they say "nothing babe" your getting there.
Take advice and ignore most of it. But amoungst the dross, you find a few pearls. Including this stuff. Or not.
Dont be afraid of disposable nappies, you'll bless them one day.
Get lots and lots of baby wipes, you can never have too many, and scented nappy bags.
Milton sterilizing solution. Lots.

And at the and of every day remember 5 good things about that day, you dont get these days back.

[doug99]

You have got to take it as it comes. I get stressed when my son is bouncing off walls at midnight, raiding the fridge/cupboard for god knows what (like the bottle of olive oil that went through his baby brothers cot the other week.....) Then I see some of the kids in my sons class at school and think I have it easy.

Honestly you seem like the sort of person that will handle kids fine. Just dont panic & think that you are doing anything wrong.

[Bauer]

Oh, and get the fuck out of there before the placenta appears!

absofuckinglutely

When the nurse held that up and said "here is what it looks like" I was like FFS lady I didnt ask to see it

other than that you will do what comes natural. You just dont know what natural is yet.

[Montey]

Thanks for the comments guys. At the moment I think I am doing what comes naturally (especially for a control freak)... PANIC!!!!!!

The best bits of advice I have received so far are:
- Children have no memory before the age of about 2.5yrs, so there is no such things as psychological damage before that age.
- Babies will sleep anywhere if they need sleep, so don't be afraid of noisy places and don't get too hung up on having the worlds greatest cot/crib.

[Rots]

I only a little more to add to what's been said.

To me, in the begining being the dad was a silent but a very important support role. Baby and mum come first. Dad does what he can to help both out without any expectations. The reward is the child anyway. Don't expect sleep but sleep when the baby does.

Also, even if you have girl, do not stand in the line of fire when changing nappies!

[limbo]

- Children have no memory before the age of about 2.5yrs, so there is no such things as psychological damage before that age.....

that assumption is incorrect. I am not an expert (=trained/paid professional) but have two daughters so i feel qualified to say this.

my children remember key events from before they were 2.5 years old. I myself remember, as a child, walking home from getting my first puppy (the breeder was only at the corner of the block..6 houses or so) the puppy pissed on Mrs Bray's snapdragons (he actually squatted beside them as puppies do) i laughed at his audacity. when i told this story a few Christmases ago my Mum turned and looked at me with astonishment and said... "you wouldnt have been 18 months old then!" "you cant possibly remember." i said "did the puppy piss on the snap dragons?" "yes" was the answer. "did i laugh and say 'Bad Goggie'?" another "yes".. "but you cant possibly remember.. you were too young, you must have heard us talking about it" I asked "Were the snapdragons in flower?". Mum said "i cant remember that long ago" eldest (by six years) sister says "they were Mum, there was heaps of them" i say "and did Mrs Bray come out onto her verandah, and wave at us and then come down to see new puppy?" eldest sister says "yes she did" i smugly sat back and drank my bourbon. i can remember before 2.5 years old.

at mates place for barbie, SBK-Phillip Island was on so i was in the lounge watchin the supersports with a few others, my eldest daughter was about 18-20 months old (maybe/could be 12 months older) was sittin on my lap watching with me (it was a little tradition we had, she would sit on my lap and i would explain it to here... "thats Fogarty -Foggie they call him, he'll win but we want corser to win or bayliss.. they're Aussies". We are sitting watching and the mates big bro wanders in, he was an accountant and only knew that the bikes were on because we were talking about it earlier. He wanders in and looks at the telly then looks at us and says "aw isnt that cute, are you watching the SuperBikes with dad, little one?" Little Miss Know-It-All looks at him and in a really disparaging tone says "Dat not SuperBite! Dat Supersport!" he looks at me and i nod, yes it is indeed supersport, He asks "how can she know that?".. "i have explained it all to her and she has a good memory". He says in a real smart arse tone, "has she" "whats the first thing you can remember, your earliest memory?" she looks at him.. sorta looks at the air above and to the left of her forehead and says... "it was all dark.... then my head hurt... then it was bright light! and i could hear Mum". the loungeroom went silent and he said "does she mean...?" and i said "i dont know what she means but you heard her as well as i did, make your own mind up" /story.
those are her words as she said them, they are burned on my mind. it should be noted that when she said "then my head hurt" she raised both hands to her head in a squeezing motion. she may well have been a bit older than i have said.. but she wasnt old enough to interrogate her about what she meant, she had lost interest and was watching the yellow Tencarte honda's again.

psychological damage.... same daughter, not yet walking (she walked at 9 months) is laying on floor on blanket in kitchen, suddenly starts wailing in a big way, we run to kitchen only to find no visible reason for extreme noise, check for insect bites, none. check for temperature, seems normal to the old hand-on-forehead-thermometer, cant seem to find problem. Child opens mouths wide to give another cry and brown thing is seem on back of tongue, way down the back... grasp top jaw and chin, open mouth wide. shock! horror! cane-beetle on back of tongue trying to claw its way back out, reach finger down along palete, depress beetle and tongue, reach a little further and hook out beetle. job done. kid immediatley quitens down and mum starts to dry-retch. (i never told her the beetle's guts were missing).
psychological damage.... dunno about that shit, but she (the daughter) still freezes in terror and burtss into tears and wails whenever a cane-beetle manages to get indoors and wont go outside after dark when they are flying.

Fatherhood.... It is something that is way different from every thing else you have done. i cant give any more/better advice than what has already been said.
Fatherhood.... Enjoy it mate! and Congratulations.

[Montey]

Well... I may (or may not) be offline for a little while. It is looking like things are starting to rock-n-roll, and I may be taking the wife in to the hospital shortly. We've already made one quick trip today, just to check heart rates and stuff, but we got sent home again, but the wife is now having "contractions" that are down to ~8 minutes apart and are steadily shortening in distance apart. So, assuming for the moment this isn't one of those "false" labors, the next time I type may be with an extra mouth to feed.

[Cutter]

Enjoy, scary as all fuck, but a life moment.

[Shonky]

What Cutter said.

[pixelboy]

8 min contractions...!! Its Business Time!

Good luck mate

[Montey]

Just ducked home to scoff some food and get a few hours shut eye.

Matilda Grace Alana was born at 2:33am on Monday 26th January 2009 (Australia Day), weighing in at 9 pounds 12 ounces (she's huge). All is well with bubs, mum is recovering from a fairly rapid c-section, but is otherwise well. Dad is knackered!


-- edited to remove surname for privacy reasons --

[Shonky]

Congratulations to you and your better half Montey.

[Cutter]

Woot, brilliant name.

[doug99]

Congrats - good that Mum and Baby are well. The C-section may well hit Mum in a day or so, just try and keep her in hospital rather than let her come home asap (the first lot of pain relief wears off.....). Also see if you can get Matilda into the sun - that is the best thing for jaundice which happens a lot with c-sections.

[Exar Kun]

Congrats mate! My friends had their first kid 6 months ago - 10 pounds 8 ounces! He was a monster haha.

[Montey]

Woot, brilliant name.

We like it. Actually, I particularly like that (if you drop the surname) I got to have the initials the same as a classic car: the MGA.