Condoms

[schuey97]

Yes I know, im asking for a forum-wide laugh-a-thon and pay-out session .....so I thought I would put this in the arse-king for help to help show that these a genuine questions.

And no, im not asking how a condom works or how to put it on ......I should be able to work that one out myself .....I hope

The whole helping schuey get a root thread and then the 40 year old thing on New Years Eve made me think maybe I should be a little bit better prepared than what I am at the moment. Lets just say I have never bought a packet of condoms or have had any on me cause I never really thought I would need them. But I thought there is a slim chance so I had better prepare a bit.

Firstly, is there any brands anyone recommends ....there are so many fucking brands out there. Like I can compare TVs (no, not a transvestite) before I buy one, but would not have a clue about condoms. Are there any specs you have to look out for. Then all the bloody brands have shit-loads of different types ....all I want is something that does the job.
Really are the budget ones as good as a brand name, or is it better to spend that little bit extra?

Is there different types of material they are made out of that I should know about?

Im sure as hell im not going to be able to go into a shop and purchase a pack of condoms .....so are there any propper online shops that I should be looking at to buy from. Whats an average price im looking at?

Does anyone know how long they last before they expire. Is there even a point in purchasing some and having one in your wallet or do they expire in like 3-6 months. I know Hz proberly has about 5-6 in his wallet and they proberly dont even get half-way to the expiry date

[wobblysauce]

any thing and every thing can work from rubber kitchen gloves to cling wrap, just depends on how rough you are mainly

being that you are yet to pop.. I would recommend 1 of the thicker styles

[DexterPunk]

i recommend that your thinking about it far too much.. its just latex you shove over your knob. At this stage it is anyway... worry about it when your getting sex and want banana flavored ones. Get some ansel ones and be done with it.

[kwijibo]

What ever's on special

The expiry date is years away

[limbo]

Im sure as hell im not going to be able to go into a shop and purchase a pack of condoms .....so are there any propper online shops that I should be looking at to buy from. Whats an average price im looking at?

if you can't walk into a supermarket and buy a carton of milk a mars bar and condoms... i really doubt that you will have the tranquility of mind to use them anyway.. so just buy the cheapest

Does anyone know how long they last before they expire. Is there even a point in purchasing some and having one in your wallet or do they expire in like 3-6 months. I know Hz proberly has about 5-6 in his wallet and they proberly dont even get half-way to the expiry date

mate.. ya can only use them once anyway. i suggest you buy a pack of frenchies and go home and practise putting them on. and taking them off.. this also suggests that you practise 'using' them. try first-person manual before you scare any ladies.. don't laugh, you practised driving before you took it to the streets.

always keep a couple of extra thick rubbers (not ultra thins or anything like that) in your wallet, a condom will hold 1.5-2 litres of fuel .. thats almost a gallon of fuel in case of emergency.. very handy for bike riders.

[DexterPunk]

Your not alone in being embarrassed about buying them by the way... I find its easier to buy them at sexy land with a few butt plugs and some anal lube so that it takes the attention away from the dingers.

Im kidding, but seriously I do actually get them from a sex shop, i figure everyones there for similar or worse reasons than buying some condoms, it seems to feel more open minded than a supermarket or chemist. At a supermarket the check out chick is likely to giggle. I guess you could make some wise crack about how your actually getting some at least. Just do yourself a favor, dont get condoms for NQR, and make sure that if it is a supermarket, you don't accompany them with a cucumber, and jar of vaseline.

I guess you could find them somewhere online... try sexylands website.

[limbo]

i always figured it was like buying meds for the missus... toss em on the counter and pay, look everybody in the eye, and hold their gaze, they will become embarrassed before i do...

first time ever i bought em... it was maybe 1979 or 80, i practised in the mirror an easy smile "gday mate, packet of condoms please" practised lookin adult and cool and familiar with the concept of buying and using condoms practised all bloody day in my head to make me feel at ease with the idea. cruised into the chemist that afternoon and a 40 year old woman served me {oh fuck. then i thought 'fuck it, i'm legally allowed to buy and use them'} an easy smile and in a not too loud not too soft not too commanding not too pleading tone of voicei said "gday, could i have a packet of condoms please?" she quickly lookedleftlookedright and leaned low over the counter and whispered "we don't sell those in here" leaned a bit closer still whispering "they're evil and against God's will!" i stammered out an embarressed (and confused) thankyou quickly turned and left.

two days later i completed a sucessful transaction at a different chemist.

[doug99]

A little known fact is that condoms do have different sizes - if I recall correctly most on the Aus market are a 54mm nominal width. That will fit almost everybody properly due the the streachy nature of latex. It is possible to get slimmer ones if you need to - they will be branded as 'snug fitting' or 'shaped for secure fit' You want to make sure that the thing cannot slip off or roll over itself,snag and break. And yes get use to putting one on & wearing one - most people find them restrictive at first (I know I did) And steer clear of anything that is textured - just normal straight forward ones.

If you are storing them in a wallet be careful of heat. Latex developes tiny holes and becomes more brittle when exposed to heat, so dont keep the same one in your wallet for a long period of time (say remove it and use it for practice after a week) Also latex is soluble in oils - water based lubrication is needed. That rules out vasoline, baby oil, motor oil, ect.

[schuey97]

Is there a big difference between thin ones and thick ones .....do thin ones tear easily or something? and do thick ones provide better protection or something.

I did not know you could get condoms in a supermarket .....I have never ever seen them there before. I always thought it was through a chemist or something.

Ok, sounds strange actually practising using one ....but true in saying you practise driving before heading out onto the streets.

If you are storing them in a wallet be careful of heat. Latex developes tiny holes and becomes more brittle when exposed to heat, so dont keep the same one in your wallet for a long period of time (say remove it and use it for practice after a week) Also latex is soluble in oils - water based lubrication is needed. That rules out vasoline, baby oil, motor oil, ect.

Better remember that about latex being soluble in oils.

i recommend that your thinking about it far too much.. its just latex you shove over your knob. At this stage it is anyway... worry about it when your getting sex and want banana flavored ones. Get some ansel ones and be done with it.

Is Ansel a brand name?
Is this the place you are talking about http://www.sexyland.com.au

[Woodee]

thickness is to do with being safer yes... but just the sensation is dulled down a bit... so you won't explode in 30 seconds :P

Thin ones are still strong though.

[DexterPunk]

Yes it's a brand.. They don't just make condoms.

And yeah that looks like the right link. They are reliable. Good advise by doug by the way. Same goes for most sex toys, water based lube only.

[Hazelb]

mate.. ya can only use them once anyway.

What ?

[Hz-Lab]

Pro's provide their own prophylactic anyway schuey. So you needn't need to carry one for your 1st time

[limbo]

a good pro (Pro pro?) puts it on with her mouth and you dont even know its there

[Hz-Lab]

a good pro (Pro pro?) puts it on with her mouth and you dont even know its there

but the shit ones do that too

[wobblysauce]

a good pro (Pro pro?) puts it on with her mouth and you dont even know its there

but the shit ones do that too

I think you put it in the wrong hole again HZ

[ysu]

There's no wrong hole, wobbs. Only less used ones.

[Quincy]

Schuey, you can buy frangga's at petrol stations also. Have a look the next time you fill up.

[DexterPunk]

or some weird ribbed pizza flavored muti colored ones from pub toilets from a $2 dispenser

[schuey97]

Schuey, you can buy frangga's at petrol stations also. Have a look the next time you fill up.

Your Kidding, petrol stations .....never seen them there before.

[DexterPunk]

wtf? you have never seen condoms in petrol stations or supermarkets ??? Are you positive your actually 25?

[Hz-Lab]

here's a tip schuey, when you do buy some, take one out immediately and fill it with some chopped liver, then zap it in the microwave for about 20 seconds then place it between 2 pillows. Then Hammer the fuck out of it. Feels and smells just like your doing a Jersey Cow... woop woop. and for added realism, fill a couple of the other ones up with water and hang them just in front of you, every now and then you can reach around and give the old udders a bobbity boop.

[schuey97]

wtf? you have never seen condoms in petrol stations or supermarkets ??? Are you positive your actually 25?

26 in April ......I guess I have never really had to think about condoms, so when I go into petrol stations or supermarkets they dont really pop-out at me.

here's a tip schuey, when you do buy some, take one out immediately and fill it with some chopped liver, then zap it in the microwave for about 20 seconds then place it between 2 pillows. Then Hammer the fuck out of it. Feels and smells just like your doing a Jersey Cow... woop woop. and for added realism, fill a couple of the other ones up with water and hang them just in front of you, every now and then you can reach around and give the old udders a bobbity boop.

I think I will skip
One question Hz .....how the hell do you know its like doing a Jersey Cow

[Hz-Lab]

Because doing a Wagyu cow feels much more like soggy mung beans.

[DexterPunk]

I just lost my shit.