The short joke topic!

[ysu]

Two people having sex is called a twosome. Three having sex is a threesome, four is a foursome.
And now we know why they call you handsome...

[Big Kev]

In a company's Men's Room above the sink as part of a motivational exercise the Boss had placed a sign which read, "THINK".

The next day above the soap dispenser appeared another sign. It read, "THOAP".

[Big Kev]

What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?




The taste.

[Cutter]

Q: What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?
A: It doesn't cost $200.00 to have a lentil on your face.

[Vilante]

lmao

[Big Kev]

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

[mrleisure]

lol

[Big Kev]

The doctor told me I needed to lose weight.
I said 'how?'
he said 'don't eat anything fatty'
I said 'like what, pies, chips etc'
he said 'no, don't eat anything, fatty'

[Vilante]

hahaha

[Big Kev]

Some of the finalists for funniest joke of the Fringe Festival 2014

"I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust" - Tim Vine.
"I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set" - Masai Graham.
"Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" - Mark Watson.
"I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number ones and number twos" - Bec Hill.
"I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me" - Ria Lina.
"Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal" - Paul F Taylor.
"Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying" - Scott Capurro.
"I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven" - Jason Cook.
"This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it" - Felicity Ward.

[Big Kev]

The Arabian inventor of the bullet-proof vehicle died today.
R.I.P. Ahmed Khar

[NeilPearson]

Haha haha

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[smithcorp]

Saw this on Twitter and it made me laugh uncontrollably for about 15 minutes. Really tickled the old funny-bone.

"What do we want?"
"To talk like an Optician"
"When do we want it?"
"How about now?"

[w00dsy]

Took me a second.

[Bauer]

Oscar wanted to get a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.

[smithcorp]

Not too soon!

[Big Kev]

I joined all my watches together to make a belt.
It was a waist of time

[norbs]

Nice.

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[DarrenM]

[Shonky]

LOL those are great!

[Big Kev]

What film/tv is that from?

[NeilPearson]

The walking dead.

[Nigel]

I thought the kids name was "Carl" with a strange American twang.

[Cursed]

Yeah, his name is Carl. I even checked IMDB - I didn't want to think I had gone 4 seasons of completely misunderstanding.

[smithcorp]

The Coral thing is because of how it gets pronounced in the show. On whirlpool threads and the like his name gets mashed like that in different ways.